1. Give them $10 to spend trying to win an online police auction. They’ll be on the edge of their seats as the price goes up, and it’s unlikely they’ll win.*
2. Buy $20 in scratch off lotto tickets and dole them out, one per hour, for silence. Likely no one will win anything, but it’ll be worth it. Just in case they do win, be sure to get it in writing in advance that 50% of all winning over $50 go to the house.
3. Lock them outside and challenge them to get back inside without breaking anything.
4. Let them use YouTube videos to learn to make non-alcoholic craft cocktails.
5. Put them in the bathtub with a box of popsicles.
6. Give them a spray can of Lysol and tell them to spray it on anything they want except living creatures.
7. Give them the expired food from the pantry. Let them play Chopped
8. Have them write thank you notes for their birthday presents early. “Thank you for the thoughtful present. I’m really enjoying it and appreciate your kindness!” and their signature is sufficient.
9. Repeat for Christmas cards.
10. Just threaten to do #8 or #9 if they don’t shush up and leave you alone.
*But not impossible. Trust me. So set a limit.