This post is part of a series about hosting a happy holiday meal, one where you aren’t exhausted by or resentful of the work needed, everyone gets to participate in ways that satisfy, and your values and traditions–and energy and money–are respected.
As Bob Belcher joyfully reminds us in every Thanksgiving episode of Bob’s Burgers, Thanksgiving is a cook’s holiday–but a kind cook makes a meal that fits their guests. That means more than just the technical tasks of cooking: it means knowing your people, appreciating their needs and pleasures, then meal planning to make the meal pleasant and welcoming.
A parenting group I’m part of is exploring holidays right now, and it’s been fun to share our not just our menus but our approaches to the food part of the biggest food holiday of the year. Here’s mine–and I’d love to hear yours!
The Questions that Guide Our Menu
Who’s coming?
As the host, one of your jobs is to ensure that everyone feels welcome and appreciated. Can you solve the puzzle of making dishes that anyone can eat while also ensuring that everyone’s favorite food is served or a happy memory triggered? It might not be possible to it all perfectly–after all, someone is likely to follow a vegetarian diet while someone else’s favorite food is turkey–but do your best to ensure that everyone on the table can be enjoyed by almost everyone. And everyone should be able to eat most items on the table. If you invited someone, their need for gluten-free or dairy-free food should be important enough to you to meet it.
What themes will tie this meal together?
We like traditional holiday meals, but “traditional” varies across regions and groups. (Where I’m from, we eat neither dressing nor stuffing but a third thing called filling, which is like if mashed potatoes had a baby with stuffing.) So consider focusing on a tradition–like a New England or Southern or Southwestern focus. Or maybe your theme is childhood memories or indigenous local foods. Or maybe the theme is “subtle tweaks on our family’s traditions.” Whatever it is, a theme gives you some guardrails so you don’t got lost in the options while menu planning and so that, if someone asks what they can bring, you can give them suggestions that keep the final spread focused rather than being a hodgepodge.
What will we most enjoy making? What items will be appreciated if purchased or semi-homemade instead?
If you don’t enjoy making it, don’t make it. Either don’t serve it at all or buy it. I love baking–but not yeast rolls, pies, or pumpkin rolls, though I love to eat them all and have engaged in questionable Facebook Marketplace exchanges for a pumpkin roll. (Seriously, this is how a kidnapper is gonna get me.) Support your economy by buying the things you don’t like to cook from local bakeries or cottage bakers. If you want to serve a turkey but don’t want to cook one, see if local restaurants will sell you one fully ready-to-serve. There is ZERO shame in that, but as I tell judgmental old ladies in the family who ask me if I made the pie myself, “I made the money that bought the pie.” (Or, “Yes, but the recipe is a family secret, and if I tell, my great-grandma’s ghost will haunt me forever.”)
Spend your time cooking the things that are fun for you–including new recipes! (Yes, I try new recipes at holidays, if I trust the source. Because I’m not going to do a dry run of a croquembouche for dinner for three of us! Just be sure you have a backup dish on hand in case it really goes wrong.)
Either skip, delegate, buy, or go semi-homemade for the rest.
And showcase what you truly love to make, including what you’ve grown or preserved yourself already.
What’s non-negotiable? Where can we push tradition a bit?
If everyone on your guest list is down to drop tradition, feel free–but otherwise, let the people who like traditional holiday foods enjoy their day. Find out what is really important to your guests and do your best to meet it. Tinker with recipes within a range that your guests will still find enjoyable, or make two versions of the same dish that share the same prep until the final few steps–for example, plain cranberry sauce and cranberry sauce with oranges and anise, or Brussels sprouts with a dusting of parmesan and another with blue cheese and bacon. And if you personally dislike a dish, rather than futzing with it to increase the chances that you will (since you might not), focus on improving your own technique so that it’s the best version of the dish your guests will appreciate (I’m looking at you, oyster dressing).
Our Menu
- Appetizers brought by guests OR crudités and cheese and crackers platter
- Pickle plate, with at least 3 items, including one non-cucumber pickle (beets, cocktail onions, etc), plus olives
- Cranberry sauce, in all the ways your guests like it: jellied and whole, with an without any added anise, orange peel, walnuts, maple syrup, cinnamon or crushed pineapple
- Rolls, biscuits, bread, buns, or a fancy, savory tart
- Turkey; if a vegan or vegetarian is included, add a stuffed acorn or honeynut squash
- Stuffing, sweet potato casserole, or corn casserole
- Mashed potatoes, Duchess potatoes, au gratin potatoes, or an ombre of pureed sweet potatoes, mashed parsnips, and mash potatoes in a casserole dish
- Brussels sprouts or green beans
- A Jello salad (Why? Because I inherited my great-grandma’s molds and like to use them, plus I live in the Midwest and see assembling fancy Jello salads as an intangible culture tradition)
- A green salad of winter greens with a bold dressing
- A candy, nut, or snack mix
- A chocolate dessert
- A fall dessert: pumpkin pie, caramel apple pie, apple crisp with cheddar cheese in the crust, pumpkin whoopie pies, a chocolate pecan pie, etc.
What is your menu planning approach? Menu must-haves? Please share!
